#most people even in queer spaces don't even believe you exist then. at best you get treated like woman lite

[here-there-were-dragons]

and god help you if you're not binary trans and then god DOUBLE help you if you're not nb "the right way" aka "so basically i'm a third binary gender that looks exactly half way between girl and boy also i'm completely 100% human and 100% desire to be human and only human and just as invested in picking Gender Team to be on as everyone else because we all know the only thing that exists or matters in the universe is baseball and exactly what baseball team role you define your existence by permanently without ever even considering anything else right?"

the Trans Experience in our society is being treated like schrodinger's gender. you're a woman when they wanna deny you agency and a man when they wanna deny you support. this is an experience that unites nearly all of us, whether transmasc, transfem, or something else.

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[samwell-snark]

I think a lot of the early canon and creator issues came down to like. These portrayals and messages are offensive and/or thoughtless, in a way I genuinely believe the author did not intend. (Similarly, fandom reactions could be offensive and/or thoughtless in a way that I don't think most intended, and which reflected a fair amount of unexamined homophobia and/or unfamiliarity with the real-life analogue of the canon's setting. Not gonna get into the weeds of people going after fans who liked characters they didn't.)

Reader experience and interpretation of the canon/characters differed vastly in part based on their experience with the subject matter, eg queerness and outness, anxiety, addiction, organized sports/homophobia in those sports and in hockey specifically. Of course people were going to interpret things differently than the author intended as they read through the lens of their own experiences, as happens with any work of fiction, and of course there will be a group of people with more experience than the author with the aforementioned subject matter who are going to pick up on the ways in which it falls short, as well as the ways in which it unwittingly treats certain experiences unfairly or insensitively.

Unfortunately, it was and is difficult to have these discussions when the canon creator is embedded in the fandom and seems to struggle with accepting death of the author and/or critiques of her work even as her creation of canon (the main storyline, the existence of supplemental materials, etc) was obviously deeply affected by fandom reactions to it. That is something that I think has been lost over the years as new fans enter the fandom - I'm not trying to downplay the toxic behavior displayed by plenty of members of the fandom (directed at each other or towards the creator) by any means, but it's a unique (uniquely stifling) experience to have a canon's creator frequently weighing in on fandom debates and discussions and to be seen to occupy every fandom space. It's especially challenging when the canon creator shuts down/invalidates/otherwise dismisses critiques of canon, for instance, suggesting that people who are bothered by certain representations or certain fan reactions towards those representations are projecting and should seek help. There is no place to discuss these things where it might not become a personal critique that will get to the author, and the author isn't interested in receiving it and expresses that displeasure in whatever way (which has led to people attacking those who made critiques, however valid or civil), and round and round it goes.

I'm sure her experiences in creating this comic and choosing to remain a part of its fandom were incredibly stressful. I wouldn't have enjoyed it, that's for sure! Honestly, I would've probably thrown out the grittier plot and phoned in some fluff and called it a day, too! However, the fact remains that there are a lot of ways in which canon fell short, despite what I sincerely believe were the best of intentions, and the fact that it seems as though her thoughts about canon and fandom reactions have undergone no changes over the years despite the way that homophobia, mental health, addiction, and other culture issues in hockey have been increasingly featured in the media in recent years in ways that support many of those critiques, is pretty disappointing.

Thank you for your message. I agree with a lot of these points. You explained the problems quite well.

I would love to hear more first-person accounts of fans, since it is hard to piece everything together from leftovers and context clues. So, I appreciate messages like this a lot.

[transmultiphobia-discussion]

Not sure how to get into this so I'll just do my best: Being pangenderfluid (and often experiencing multiple genders at the same time) and pluralfluid is the experience of yet another unique facet of transmultiphobia - it's experiencing being a man and woman both at the same time, but also being neither, and also being genders that are part either or both and part neither.

We consider ourselves despite our fluidity to in some way always be all our genders - because someone's always holding them or vibing with them in the system even if the fronter isn't.

And it's like... if we emphasize being both a man and a woman, people erase our abinary genders, including both ones that aren't androgenous or neutral and ones that are. If we lean into any of the nonbinary genders, people erase our binary genders.

And the thing is... before we are any gender, we're fae. We are an endelic fae system. All of our gender comes from the fluidity and static multifacetedness, both inherent and cultural, of our fae identity. We're cistrans, but all our individual genders are trans. As much as human framework can be applied to nonhumans, it's the pangender identity that's cis (but also trans because... again, human framework, nonhuman. No gender is only cis, it's either trans or cistrans. This is further complicated by being intersex.)

Then also there's the way our identities are considered "contradictory". Despite being malicious, this still does cause some euphoria, because we exist in contradictions and liminality. On top of the other stuff, we are schizophrenic and have a lot of beliefs/delusions/eulusions that cause no distress and dysfunction that we believe are just experiencing a different layer of reality than most. This means our experience of life, internal and external, often contradicts itself and we enjoy that.

(Our pankin(type) joke is "what is mutual exclusion to a god?!" lol)

I'm a little worried about sending this because I know with all these "controversial" identities especially outside of gender, I know some people will consider us a "caricature" that's "making normal multigender people look bad" since we've gotten that from wider queer spaces. But I also trust other multigender people to understand that like... even if the individual identities may not all make sense to them, we all know what it's like to have completely harmless identities being treated as some kind of... idk, psy-op? sock puppet bs? whatever? and generally we've found much more acceptance of our whole selves with other multigender people.

(Also worth noting that we don't think identity can be harmful - obviously discluding identities based in harmful actions which is the bad part, like Nazis)

Anyway sorry for this messy word splatter in your inbox, just felt like this was a safe enough place to share. uhhhh have a good timezone!

-✨

I appreciate you taking the time to share this, don't worry about being ranty or whatever :]

I do relate to the part you mentioned that that if you emphasize your nonbinary genders, people erase your binary ones- I am very anxious when telling people I'm nonbinary because most people think of nonbinary as just strictly neither a man or a woman and being genderless, so if I tell them that my more masculine/feminine part of my identity gets erased. I don't think of my genders as in any way binary, but I am boygirl and would like to be seen as a nonbinary boy, and as a multigender person. but if I put emphasis on my trans guy or transmasculine identity, my multigender and nonbinary self gets erased. like, there is quite a few things I could say about the way I've been perceived has changed irl just from people being exposed to one part of myself before the other (but I don't wanna make it about myself too much)

[papercherries]

I recently took a trip to my hometown to pick up my cat. I ended up staying for a couple days because my family was having a small dinner, nothing fancy. Usually when I go to my hometown, I'm very bored. There's not a whole lot to do in my hometown, especially since all my friends were away also. I should've brought my laptop or switch because I only brought two books, Don Quixote and Against Interpretation and I couldn't read for more than 3 hours at a time. I also wasn't in the mood to watch a film. So, usually I am very bored. I mostly play guitar or more recently banjo. I scream and shout at the top of my lungs, which I imagine must annoy the neighbours but they have never complained. Obviously, I perform these two acts together.

But I also spend a lot of time thinking, as I also cannot sleep in my hometown. It's too quiet and my pillows are too hard. So, I spend a lot of time thinking. Why am I the way I am? Why am I the queer one in my family? (besides certain exceptions). Why am I the empathetic one? Why am I so radically different from everyone else in my family? Not a single person in my family has ever pursued an art, besides wedding photography. I was raised in the same environment, went to the same schools, taught the same ideals. Mind you, I had different friends and I was definitely involved in different social spaces but even then I am quite different from my old friends.

I always realise, my hometown is full of cynicism and pessimism. I was also full of these qualities when I lived there. I wouldn't say people are unhappy there, (though some obviously are) I would say they're sick. It's reeks of post-Thatcherite depression, but unlike other areas where they've built up from this, the town has stagnated. People are born there, they move around a little, they move back, then they die in the same hospital they were born in. I can't imagine a more depressing fate. Everyone wants to escape, lots end up returning because it's all they know. Ironically, it's an migrant town. Everyone who lives there isn't from there, at least originally. Mostly Scottish people, but over the last twenty years, lots of people migrated from Eastern Europe. I wonder why they chose the town. I know why the Scots chose it originally, but what does it offer now.

It also doesn't help there's not a whole lot to do. Whilst I do admit, there's some things (a cinema, swimming pool, lots of green spaces), there's nowhere for you to discover yourself, by that I mean discover arts. There's plenty of sporting opportunities in the area. Besides the cinema (which I do admit is relatively cheap), there is one other arts space. There's an arts centre, hidden away in the towns centre. There's no advertising for it, nor is there much on. It's also difficult to find if you don't know where it already is. Most importantly, there is no music scene. Whilst there is a yearly music festival (though I'm not sure it still exists), there is no music. The best you will hear are old rockers still playing the shitty pubs they grew up in and the bellowing of the bagpipes behind the hearse. Now, I remember there used to be a venue in the town. It was an actual venue, people actually attended. Though it was shut down many years ago, I can't remember why but I think it was to do with costs. Which is crazy cause the venue rent shouldn't have been high due to the placement of it. Sometimes, there's still the one off gig in the building but it's once every couple years, for those who are nostalgic for it perhaps.

My point being, there's a little to do in the town. But no one can afford it. I couldn't afford it, I used to get free cinema tickets cause my friend worked there. I still do, at a different cinema. Same friend. People need to express themselves, I believe the town is improving in that regard but the town genuinely has an opportunity to become a cultural hub. The council is so incompetent and the mayor is a right twat. The people would have to do it. It also doesn't help that when local elections happen, the town always votes labour. But labour never wins because the surrounding villages are included in the votes. So conservative wins. I think if the town had a larger variety of things to do, it would be a much happier, empathetic place. But, perhaps I'm being naïve, perhaps an idealist. I suppose you always want the places you lived in to be better, I suppose only I can implement these ideas. Even if it's just be spreading them.

P.S. It also doesn't help that since leaving the EU most smaller towns have struggled due to the weak policies the British government has implemented to help the growth of these towns. Essentially, the way I understand it is, when we were in the EU. Money made in the bigger cities, a portion of it would be taken out and spread to smaller communities in the UK so the towns and villages wouldn't be crushed under the heel of the ever growing cities. Whereas now, that fund is significantly decreased. Hence small towns in Britain becoming more and more run down.

All we have time for is drinking, screwing and dancing. For it's all we can afford to do.

[microsuedemouse]

that whole thing about people making characters in fanfiction talk and think in modern social justice terminology or identify with hyperspecific microlabels or whatever... ties in a lot with many other issues we see in discourse around fiction, in general

the relationship to 'all my media must be Morally Pure' is pretty obvious, imo - making all of our characters talk as if they are fully versed in real-world 21st century intersectional politics, and also have had eight years of deep-reaching and successful therapy

but also, there's a strong connection with the notion of how like... so many people want all of their representation - especially queer and neurodivergent rep, from what I've seen - to be not only present but also *very explicitly stated and described.* which, to a certain degree, I understand, but also... it's just not realistic, nor is it necessarily even the best way to go

lots of people get through life quite happily without the specific language to describe their experience of the world - perhaps even without the full knowledge that their experience Can be described specifically. lots of people don't feel the need to apply labels to everything, or perhaps never find labels that feel entirely accurate or useful. you will see me self-describe with as 'ace, bi, and non-binary' - but I very genuinely do not feel any need to label the ways in which I am queer. I use these as shorthand to let others know roughly where I'm at, and to relate to other people and their experiences... but I don't need them. all three are, at best, vague indicators of where I fall with regards to gender and attraction. many folks will use different words because they're coming from another time, another place, another language. many people will never learn there are words that might fit them. many people won't really care.

in both fic and original work, over the years, I've written tons of characters who are ace, or bi, or autistic, or ADHD, or chronically ill, or mixed-race, or etc. etc., but never use any especially specific terms to refer to those experiences. a lot of them don't even spend that much time thinking about it. in fact, with many of them, it's at most only implied in-fiction - gestured at, alluded to, but never expressly described. frequently it's at least in part because the story just isn't really about that. but also, it's because finding that language isn't a priority for them, or else that they exist in a setting where it wouldn't make sense for them even to stumble across it. (it is, believe it or not, a very Online thing to be as obsessed with labels and language as many of us are in fandom spaces like tumblr and AO3. I'm not saying no one outside these circles cares about labels and stuff, but a LOT of people don't care that much, either.) on top of that, especially when you're talking about original work... leaving things up to interpretation allows your audience to fill things in themselves. I want to build in the space for headcanons. I want my readers to be able to see what they'd like to see. to me personally, the character that tons of audience members can see themselves in, all in different ways, is often better representation than a character who is Very Specifically One Thing. not always! but often.

this is pretty much just a stream of consciousness rn, and I'm definitely not covering all my bases, but it's just... something I find myself reflecting on in fandom lately. you can write a character to match all your headcanons and experience all the feelings you want them to experience without needing them to say all the applicable words.

[thepoetrytheorist]

Casual Transphobia in the Queer Community in the Internet Age

If you are queer, please read this.

I can't believe I need to say this to the queer community in 2023, but I'm noticing a trend of transphobia in both online and irl queer spaces that is much worse and much more pervasive than when I was a baby queer in the late 00's.

I feel like we need to address casual transphobia more as a society. Of course it's important to discuss rampant transphobia, but we can't fully "fix" rampant transphobia without first talking about how normalised it is... even in our own community.

For background, I'm a 20 yearold anthropologist who happens to be trans. More specifically I am a genderfluid transmasc who identifies as genderquantum. My masculinity and femininity are inseparable. My pronouns are she/he. My gender can shift so rapidly that it's best not to assume which one I am feeling at any time. I am man and I am woman, and it is wrong to remove either of those from my identity.

I've also done extensive studies and research on human relationships and interactions. Why we act the way we do and what inherent societal norms are behind that.

I expect cisallohet's to misgender me, even in close and intimate relationships. It's quite normal for straight men to say to me "I understand that you're a trans, but I'm attracted to you as a woman." That sucks, but it's expected.

It's normal for my cisallohet friends to exclusively use he or she instead of mixing them up. I had to stop using "they" as a pronoun because I recognised that people refused to call me he and would just use she or they.

At the same time though, it's easy to expect the opposite from the queer community, when in reality... it can be quite the same. Quite a few lesbians have approached me and said "I'm sorry, I'm attracted to you, but I'm worried that it invalidates your identity as a man and mine as a lesbian." I've had gay men say to me, "but you're just a woman, so you wouldn't understand." These are all people who know my identity is genderfluid. These are all people who have been in the queer community for years. These are people for whom boxes are so important that they feel guilt when you exist outside of one.

I've even had bi and pan people say "but I see you only as a woman" "but you identify as a man!" "...but you're nonbinary right?" All of which are wrong, all of which misgender and misidentify me. All of which feel violent.

This is exactly the same if not worse than when straight people do it. It's exclusionist. It's misgendering.

And it happens to more than just genderfluid or other gender deviant people. It happens to mono binary trans people as well [people who identify exclusively as trans men or trans women].

We are being told "I'm sorry, but I only see you as your birth identity, and it makes me feel bad when I'm attracted to you" "you can't possibly understand my experiences, because you're not really a wo/man" "I'm sorry, but your identity as trans brings me discomfort in our interpersonal relationship since I have not come to terms with my own feelings towards real trans people."

To me, most of the issue is that in the age of the internet we feel as if we have to conform to the exact dictionary definition of our chosen label. We can't just be sapphic, we have to be lesbian. Bi means two, pan means all. And it's just bullshit. It's bullshit! You can have experiences that don't exactly conform to your identity. It's natural, it's normal, it's human. It doesn't have to change who you are.

You don't have to be a 5 star lesbian or 5 star gay man. You don't have to change your perception of the world to respect others! It's ok to befriend transfolk. It's ok to be attracted to trans folk. It's ok to pursue a relationship with someone who you genuinely like even if it doesn't quite match your identity.

It is not ok to make us feel bad for challenging your perceptions of yourself and the world around you.

Obviously I'm just one person on tumblr, I can't hope to make a difference with one essay textpost thingamajig. But if you've read this far, please examine yourself and your actions. You don't have do suddenly be the world's best trans ally, but please please please treat us with human decency and kindness.

[bisexualfagdyke]

Hi, this is @bisexual-cat on my new account. I logged into my old account and saw this reblog so I just wanted to try and explain.

First of all, if you don't understand something you can just scroll past it. This was a flag I made to represent my own identity and posted for other people in the MOGAI / queer inclusionist community in case they also connect with it, not so you can start explaining why my sexuality is "problematic" and "wrong" in the reblogs. If you don't understand something – that's fine. But instead of going off about why I'm problematic, maybe just ask for clarification? Nicely? Respectfully? I didn't ask, nor do I care about your opinion on my identity. Respectfully, your opinion genuinely means nothing to me and I don't know why you decided to give it to me unprompted. I'm only responding to this bcuz it seems like you want to understand and I'm willing to explain.

Nobody is being harmed (in real, tangible ways) by me, a nonbinary trans man, identifying as a sapphic man. If it bothers and upsets you (the most harm it could ever cause) then you could actively choose to ignore my existence and get on with your life. I am not "invading sapphic spaces" or "invalidating being sapphic" by literally just Existing and using words to best describe how I genuinely experience my identity and attraction. You can feel free to explain to me how this affects other sapphics in real life ways if you want, because I am not getting it. Who decided that I was absolutely not allowed to be [trans] man who experiences queer, sapphic attraction to women? Who came up with that Strict Law Of Nature and who is going to enforce it? Is your idea of "protecting True Sapphics" just yelling at trans people who dare to identify in slightly confusing / complex ways for being "problematic"? Why is me genuinely feeling and experiencing my attraction the way I do "problematic"? Who are you to tell me I'm not allowed to experience and feel the way I literally do? Also, fun queer history fact: trans men have historically been a part of lesbian / sapphic spaces.

I'm not identifying this way to purposefully piss people off, to be an Enemy, to hurt or upset people. I wouldn't do that, there is no point for me to do that because funnily enough, I actually don't want to be hated and excluded from my own community because of my identity. I'm identifying this way because IT IS SIMPLY HOW I GENUINELY FUCKING FEEL!!!! Is that so bad? I cannot accurately and Exactly explain why I feel this way, but I believe it has something to do with the fact I am a trans man, not a cis man, and my manhood is 100% queer, out of the gender binary, and even somewhat connected to being a girl. My trans-ness and my manhood is complex and queer. My attraction to women, as a man, is also queer. It just is. That is how I honestly feel.

I know it might be hard to understand if you don't directly experience it, but I ask you to think about it like this: is harassing and attacking queer people who identify in ways you don't understand truly worth it? How does this benefit you? What are you aiming for, except making another queer person feel like shit just so you can uplift other queer people who you do understand? Why do you insist on subscribing to extremely strict definitions of labels that nobody can truly enforce and decide, and being mean to people who don't fully fit with those definitions? Why do you want to exclude other queer people for being queer in a way you don't like?

☆ SAPPHIC MAN / MLW ☆

This flag is for sapphic men who do not feel connected to womanhood / being wlw, but who still feel like their mlw attraction is inherently sapphic / queer

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

[FLAG ID: the flag pictured has six stripes. In order, the colours are; dark purple, light purple, magenta pink, soft yellow, light orange, and wine red. The flag on the left has a purple interlocking male/female symbol with a white outline. END ID]

[genderkoolaid]

reading bits of julia serano's work & ill be like. i see where she's coming from on a lot of things and she has made some interesting points, i do think people should read her work as a part of trans liberatory theory. but it really feels like she's basing a lot of her opinions on trans men's experiences on her perception and less based on how WE feel about our oppression and our experiences. and part of this is also probably differences in transphobia and how trans people were treated in the past bc there has been a lot of shifting with how we are viewed by society. but i really can't help but feel that her view of transphobia towards trans men was skewed and that it has resulted in so many people taking her view of our oppression as gospel, including transmascs (especially young transmascs invested in social justice).

Like this, for example:

"A failure to distinguish between everyday sexualization and the fetish concept lies at the heart of trans dykes’ dilemma in contemporary queer women’s communities. Basically, trans men constantly complain about how they are “fetishized” by cis queer women who find them attractive and purposefully seek them out. First off, smallest violin in the world—most trans dykes would kill for that kind of appreciation from other queer women.[3] Second, it’s a total misnomer to call this “fetishization” because trans guys are generally seen as legitimate objects of desire in contemporary dyke communities, unlike trans women. ... Anyway, [the societal assumption that trans people are inherently undesirable] was the atmosphere that existed nine years ago when I first curated the “Tranny Lovers Show,” which is why cis and trans folks both appreciated it so. But in the years that followed there was a pushback, primarily from trans men who felt “fetishized” by cis dykes, and who made it impossible for cis queer women to talk about their desires without being threatened by the specter of “tranny chaser.” Conveniently for trans guys, this trend occurred after they had already been deemed to be legitimate partners in queer women’s communities. It was as if they pulled up the ladder behind them. As queer trans women, it is in our best interest for us to work to put an end to these trends. Discussions like the one we are having tonight are an important start. But honestly, in the five years that we have put on Girl Talk shows, I’m not sure that I’ve once heard anyone explicitly say, “trans women are hot.” All of us here tonight are dancing around the fetish concept—we are allowed to express romantic love and affection, but we’re all deathly afraid to say that “trans women are fucking sexy” or (god forbid) “I prefer dating trans women to cis women.” Until cis queer women can openly express such thoughts without fear of being dismissed as appropriators and fetishists, we will never see any progress."

She says that trans men complaining about feeling fetishized was "pulling the ladder up behind them", since they already had access to lesbian spaces. but there is never consideration that maybe this is an experience that transfems might not understand? like she says herself that gay men do not receive transfems like lesbians receive transmascs, that gay men at large are not interested in transfems. so she, I imagine, would not have the experience of having gay men fetishize you and your body, even if you feel you belong in the gay community (& there are transfems in the gay community, although i don't think Serano mentions them). She does not seem to believe that it is possible that trans men are telling the truth about their experiences, that cis lesbians do fetishize them and make them uncomfortable. Instead, she believes they are doing this maliciously, whining about being fetishized and therefore preventing trans lesbians from access, blaming trans men for cis women's transmisogyny.

For some reason Serano decides that because trans women do not receive love from cis lesbians, that means that the fetishization trans men experience must not be that bad– in fact, that attention is actually always good, and since transfems aren't getting any love, trans men receiving any must be better. She doesn't believe that fetishization exists at all, so the sexualizing (which she does believe in) of trans men must not exist either. Trans men shouldn't be listened to on how THEY feel about THEIR experiences.

It feels strangely hypocritical to me that so many people claim that trans men only want to talk about transmisogyny because we're "jealous" of transfems's hypervisibility, and we think it's a privilege, when Serano does not believe that trans men can face fetishization from cis lesbians and that when we say so, we must actually be complaining about something that is good.

Also, for full equality, here is her footnote for that quote:

"3. “World’s smallest violin” is a visual joke (which I did when I performed this piece) intended to express sarcastic sympathy toward somebody who you believe is unjustly or excessively complaining about something. As I state earlier in the piece, I completely understand why any given trans man might object to people who invalidate his male identity and/or sexually objectify or harass him, and I have no issues with complaints to this effect. My critique here is specifically directed at those trans men who primarily partner with cis queer women, yet who simultaneously complain when such women (in a general sense) express their interest in, or attraction toward, trans men."

edit: please think about the language you use to criticize serano & make sure you aren't accidentally falling into transmisogynist stereotypes.

edit 2: to be clear, the trans men being discussed here are willingly in lesbian spaces, as they are allowed to do. being a trans man who dates wlw does not mean fetishization is justified.

[olderthannetfic]

hi again. im the anon that spewed the long rant about how, historically, censoring the "bad stuff" leads to queer stuff in general getting banned. had the words "most fandom elders and newbies alike think it's reprehensible!" in there

i feel bad for explaining it the way i did. i'm a firm believer in "fiction is fiction (including RPF) no matter what" which is an opinion that would get me run out of what is probably 99% of fandom spaces i'm in. i recently just unfollowed a mutual bcuz they wouldn't stop posting cringy "lol old people in fandom are weird" and making fun of those concerned about ao3 getting purged. to say i was high-strung and tired would be putting it lightly. i don't want people to think that they can't be squicked by whatever makes them uncomfy as long as they aren't harassing ppl and properly filtering their own internet experience, because i've been running into folks that go out of their way to rag on people who don't like "problematic content" for some reason (they're def not the majority and don't cause anywhere near the same amount of harm as antis, but they exist and confuse the hell out of me), hence the word "reprehensible," but i realize that was a bad way to do it

i've always wanted to make more friends that like dark stuff, even if i don't focus on it myself. those kinds of authors are always the most chill ones in a fandom, but unfortunately, i worry that since i like stereotypical found family fluff n shit they'll think i'm one of the shitbag antis that wants to call the cops on them for harmless fiction. thanks for ruining that, you puriteens

besides, the ppl that claim to hate and despise taboo fictional stuff sure love to talk about said stuff way more than the actual fans of it for some reason >_> gives me projection vibes

so, sorry to anyone i offended or hurt by wording it like that, esp leaving it vague when so many idiots are actively watering down serious terms to one up ppl in their ship wars :P you guys aren't doing anything wrong, and i support your right to artistic freedom as people always should. my crappy wording is why i tend to avoid commenting on discourse altogether bcuz my emotions get the best of me, and then it's not fun for anyone (not to mention all the grammar mistakes i missed, yeesh). you guys are awesome, and i appreciate the lengths you go to keep ao3 safe

(oi, i type way too much for my own good)

--

Eh. I think it can be hard to find a space that isn't darkfic focused that has a strong dl;dr, sals, and ykinmkato stance. But people? I promise there are plenty of people who like badwrong content who also like found family and won't instantly assume you're awful.

It might be easier to find people in some very oldschool fandoms, but finding your people is always hard.

[stars-in-our-skies]

So I read your post about fujoshis and I agree with most of it. the thing I didn't really understand though was what you said about how despite the fact that women who fetishise gay men do exist, the Fujoshi doesn't exist, and is a TERF invention? I'm gonna assume by "fujoshi" people mean a very specific kind of gay fetishiser. So not an "omg I've always wanted a gay best friend" kind of person, but more of a .. "The dreaded fujoshi reads way too many BL mangas and manhwas and is obsessed with gay men" kind of thing. In my experience, and also based on hearsay from the queers in my country, these types of people do exist- though to be completely fair I've never met nor heard of a grown woman who fits this description. Mostly it's teenagers and kids who are- presumably- girls, though heck if I know lol. To be frank, as a transmasc queer guy, I don't give two shits what people get off to in private. I could not care less if the fujoshi "fetishises" me in that sense. In fact I really, really do not want to know.

Which ties in neatly with my next point- whilst I don't care about what people do in their private time, I do care about how they treat real life queer people. Both offline and online. Overstepping boundaries with real life queer men, harassing them online and offline, stuff like that, I've seen it and heard of it, and it's really gross. Even that "smol bean" stuff, honestly, whilst not a full on hate crime, it does count as a microaggression. It can trigger dysphoria, at the very least.

What's worse is that the local fujoshi population is homophobic as fuck in real life. Like they'll say things about how it's a "sin" and they don't think real queer people should have marriage equality, that sort of thing. Even if most the offenders are kids and teens it's still really frustrating.

so I guess my question is.. I'm not really sure how you've come to the conclusion that the "creepy, harasser of gay men" fetishiser is purely a TERF invention and even if she were to exist she's perfectly harmless and simply a misguided ally? I'm pro-fujin, btw. I have strong opinions on the TERFy SWERFy appropriation of the Japanese word fujoshi, and I don't think the answer is to gatekeep all queer media from perceived "women"- I just think that there's some nuance to be had in the Fetishiser Discourse.

i've had this ask in my inbox for quite some time. however, i haven't been in the right headspace to discuss politics in-depth, so i put this on the backburner to return to later. having thought it over a bit, i think i'm ready to continue the conversation. i'm sorry for taking so long, but i hope this response is satisfactory.

first, an amendment to my initial post-- reading back through it, i'm not as proud of my tone. in parts i sound preachy, and in others it just straight up doesn't make sense. i'm chalking this up to my neurodivergence and difficulties with portraying what i mean. i'm not going to rewrite the whole thing, but in summary, the points i made were two-fold:

1) that the archetype of "cishet woman who fetishizes gay men," --aka, the 'western fujoshi' -- was most certainly fed into, if not coined by, TERFs; and

2) that this had a lasting impact on the transmasculine community (and, on a broader scale, the queer community as a whole.)

having said that, i'll move on. to address the meat of your statement:

as you stated, you've never actually encountered this "dreaded fujoshi." neither have i! for the most part, i do not believe they exist, as i've already mentioned and will come back to in a moment.

but also as i've mentioned, i do believe there are people out there who, in one way or another, reduce gay men to nothing more than a fetish or pornography while doing nothing to prove themselves as allies to those same gay men outside of sex. what i mean to say is that these people do not exist in massive numbers. i've certainly never seen them in my almost-decade of being in queer spaces, and i've never spoken to someone who has. you have mentioned as much. i am not referring to them when i refer to "misguided allies" as you've put it -- they're fetishizers. this happens to every queer and/or marginalized identity in some shape or form, not unique to gay men. i'll touch on this later.

rather, the women i'm referring to are those i believe to be closer to misguided allies than a genuine threat -- in my (and your) experience, tend to be teenagers and young girls. in most cases, they aren't straight. and in a large number of cases, they are trans themselves, whether they're aware of it or not.

what i see as likely happening is these teens and kids are just discovering what being queer is after being sheltered their entire life. mind you, i'm referring to western society. i can't comment on, say, asian queer spaces. i'm not asian! but for the most part, it seems like they are genuinely misguided children who are just learning about being gay or trans and politics and their views on the world.

i'm not sure how old you are, anon, but the younger generations were raised on technology. a lot of us have been surrounded by politics and news at our fingertips for our entire lives. the most likely scenario here is that these young teens realize they're queer (&/or find queer media interesting) and, not knowing much better, they become fascinated with this "taboo" subject that has been inaccessible to them up until now.

it reminds me of the twilight era -- wherein young girls were enamored with the plot (or maybe, the pretty boys) because it was made for women. fanfic and media that centers queer people are largely made by minorities. it's easy for these teens to see themselves in it; or, in the case of women, to consume it without having to worry about misogyny. this is a similar topic that i won't dive too deeply into, but the appeal of boylove to women because of the lack of women is something that has been brought up in discourse surrounding the term fujoshi, and i'm sure you're familiar with it. so having said that, i'm sure we can both see why it might be appealing to this demographic.

i think, for the most part, what's described here --the fascination of gay men, the 'smol beans', the referring to it as 'sinful'-- is a misguided reaction from young queer people who don't know better. a lot of the current discourse in the community is being perpetrated by that same demographic (see: anything happening on twitter) so it isn't too far off to believe that those same people could hold misguided views. i think if we're going to talk about problems surrounding the younger queers perpetrating queerphobic rhetoric, it's a much bigger conversation than the fujoshi one, and it certainly doesn't end here.

it's more likely these girls are going through internalized issues than externalized. and that is certainly a problem -- but one that needs to be handled differently than it currently is.

side note, i'm not sure what 'local fujoshi population' you're referring to. we've established that adult women (or, really, anyone over the age of 16 in my experience) do not typically fall under this archetype nor exist on any massive scale. the examples you've given are just textbook homophobia -- they have nothing to do with the Myth of The Fujoshi, so to speak. anyone can be homophobic, not just this specific genre of women or whatever.

so I guess my question is.. I'm not really sure how you've come to the conclusion that the "creepy, harasser of gay men" fetishiser is purely a TERF invention and even if she were to exist she's perfectly harmless and simply a misguided ally?

we're referring to two different things here. "creepy, harasser of gay men" is not a common type of person, not in the fujoshi sense. i've said as much.

i specifically brought up the transmedicalist example in my initial post because it mirrors the same issue. essentially, transmedicalists claim that being transgender is becoming trendy and not taken as a serious issue. they have this idea that there's this terrible AFAB 'woman' who binds because it's 'trendy' and uses neopronouns because she is disrespectful to "real trans people" or even delusional. they point to xenogenders, neopronouns, nonbinary people, and anyone they don't believe to be "trans enough" as an example of this.

this "transtrender crowd" does not actually exist. it is an exaggeration of what they think is happening in order to fearmonger and push their point. there MIGHT be cis people pretending to be transgender because they think it's trendy. but the thing is, if we treat everyone like they're 'pretending', we're going to divide our community, and we won't get to the bottom of the actual issue (that, again, does not exist.) if we're so afraid of this hypothetical scenario, we'll only cause more infighting. we need to believe people in good faith -- this same argument applies to the 'misguided ally' thing above.

THIS is what i meant when i said that this 'fujoshi' you have described does not exist. she is an exaggeration of what people think is happening. and it is that exaggeration that TERFs specifically have created and fed into. they created the idea of a 'woman who fetishizes gay men so much she wants to be one', and then it got repeated -- so far that the transmasculine community has fallen for it, and that the word 'fujoshi' no longer just means 'a woman who reads BL' to most queer people.

this fetishization we have described might occur occasionally, yes. there MIGHT be cishet women who only see gay men as her Smol Yaoi Beans. but it does not exist on a widespread scale -- not to the degree where it warrants this much fearmongering, and the people who are mostly affected by this fear are transmasculine individuals.

the 'fujoshi' being referred to directly stems from TERFs' misogyny and transphobia. they want us to fight each other, and they have succeeded. that was my point.

and, before i go, there's one more thing i forgot to mention initially. you didn't bring this up, but it occurred to me that we haven't discussed how this issue affects asian gay men. in the west, of course -- again, i'm not from asia.

i think if anyone was going to be hurt most by the Fujoshi Trope, it's queer asian men. except, i am white. i cannot tell you how discrimination against queer asian men looks or how it is perpetrated. i cannot give you my personal experiences with it because i do not have them. it exists, for sure -- and i think that it's a part of a larger issue, namely anti-asian racism and queerphobia as a whole. that is something i want to leave to queer asian men -- if any would like to comment on it, i am always eager to listen and adjust my views as such.

taking this into account, that is the only point i could see towards 'women fetishizing gay men' (aka the bastardized western form of a "fujoshi"). i believe my points still stand, namely of this being a TERF-created issue. of course, if anyone wants to discuss it more, my inbox is open.

[bl-recs-and-reviews]

Korean BL has the toughest fight to fight. And not just because it came in later.

Not only it's at a disadvantage because, out of all the countries producing popular BLs, it has the most amount of constraints and homophobia, but also they're actively working against themselves.

First of all, contrary to Thailand (where the lgbtq community might not have a lot of rights but are an ever present and constant presence on TV and media) and Japan (where homosexuality is normalized, despite the older generation's homophobia, and BL has been made for over 50 years) Korea has a growing Christian community and a thing for outrage. As one of the people of Strongberry said in a live once: It is very rare when an actor will agree to do more than 2 bls in Korea. The landscape is just not as prolific.

Secondly, anyone who consumes asian dramas knows what they could bring. As said before, the standard set by the industry is working against them. It has been easy to forgive Thailand's lacks in their shows because we could say "they're just starting" "they don't have money" "everything before was worse" "they're getting better and better" however in Korea's case we know the level of quality they are able to deliver, and it's not so sure that they might get better.

If producers/directors/writers are not changing the story to fit the format now, what says they ever will? Is that their objective even? There's a "you can do it, why aren't you?" factor going on there. They're shooting themselves in the foot.

We know that out of all the countries making BL the one capable to do short series that move us is Korea. Also they're easier to watch (thank you 30 min episodes for existing). So I feel like there's a lack of trust between the creators and the public there.

It's true that the competition isn't easy. But I can't help but feel like they're trying to reproduce the BL phenomena without actually caring that much about the stories they're telling (which is also something that you can see in mainstream kdramas, they're putting the ingredients of what has been successful but have gotten all the amounts wrong). Most of the successful K BLs have been stories where you can tell there was someone there behind the camera that cared.

I think what would work best for Korean BLs would be to better the format that they've created. 8 episode of 20 minutes for the win. Create the Korean BL industry in its own terms, make it able to stand on its own. Don't try to get the hype without the proper effort put in the creation of the story. Don't just make shows to promote online platforms (cough Spring of Youth cough).

I personally believe they're headed that way. And I'll keep on checking every single K BL that I can. But if they're repeating the same mistakes I just don't have enough time on my day for that. And I'd rather spend it on a show where I can see that they cared to create a mainstream space for queer stories.

I saw mdl reviews for the director who buys me dinner saying its undercooked and had great potential and needed a run time of 1 hour and like 16 episodes. do yall think the writers, directors and production team don't know that? Queer content still doesn't get that much money!! For fuck sake we still call it bl/yaoi something that was originally made for het women. Support these shows instead of putting them down so they get more finances to make shows with longer duration

[swaggy-pregnant-elf-man]

I love the energy and all and I don’t want to offend but as a Muslim girl i can tell you that it is literally haram to identify as anything other than your god given gender. Like I’m not trying to be rude and I’m glad that there a respectful supportive people out there but if you’re looking at the Quran and other islamic book you’ll find stories about how its considered haram. Accepting the islam religion means accepting everything and dedicating yourself to it you can’t just pick and choose.

omg my first anon hate hahaha

i know im not obligated to answer hate but im going to anyway bcuz of i have things to say (sparkle emoji) (im on pc and dont have the energy to find an emoji keyboard)

okay first of all nowhere did i say that I identify as Muslim. i get that it was ambiguous tho so its cool. to clarify,, I am personally not Muslim but I kind of have to act like one so I don't get kicked to the streets or some shit lol and maybe I'm a bit of a coward idkkk but anyways

I would be interested to know what other Islamic books ur talking about btw, but I'm pretty sure the quran doesn't mention being trans anywhere at all. in fact I'm pretty certain, I've read it multiple times with translation and commentary interpretations and anyway being trans wasn't really a 'known' thing back then? bcuz obviously patriarchy and gender roles n segregation blah blah was wayyyy more yk. shit I forgot the word. uhhh yk like prevalent?? ofc the quran does mention a shitton about gender roles,, so yk men r the breadwinners, women raise the kids and keep house and be good wives etc. and also remember the big important fact:: GENDER AND SEX R DIFFERENT THINGS!!! meaning technically u cant be 'born' a gender (omfg my keyboard hates me imagine a question mark here) ur born with certain genitals and society assigns u a gender based on that . sounds a bit fucked when u put it like that actually but anyway back when the quran was being revealed this wasn't a known thing cuz yk they didn't have studies on this stuff,, and yea ur probably gonna say 'but the quran came from allah and he knows everything' well the fact of the matter is he either forgot or smth idk I don't speak for God but trans people definitely exist that's a fact we know so yeah. oh I should come back to my point which was, even with the quran saying those things about what ur supposed to do based on whats in ur pants which is crazy outdated anyway it doesn't take gender ≠ sex into consideration either soo ye that's the most it could've said about being trans and that not very valid anymore rip and that's not even mentioning non-binary people

and anyway Islam is literally all about acceptance and respect and everything so idk it would probably be better if u didn't go around telling ppl they're 'literally haram' for being trans or gay or any typa queer bcuz its literally not our choice (insert question marks) believe me I would fucking love to be comfortable in my 'female' body but I cant no matter how much I try to force myself so I'm sorry dude. no one would choose to be stuck in a situation like this. personally, I believe Islam needs a super massive reformation. well not Islam exactly, but a lot of things said in the quran r outdated wildly now, while a lot of it will also always be relevant, eg. everyone being equal and yk give to the poor etc. i have absolutely nothing against Muslims (I have it against my family for being so forceful about religion - different thing) yall r super cool and ik being a Muslim girl isn't easy believe me, but genuinely seeing Muslim people around and yk, just existing in wider society outside of Islamic spaces makes me feel so proud of where I came from even if its not been the best experience. have u seen the show We are Lady Parts (question mark) its about an all female Muslim punk band and there's only six episodes I literally watched it all today but the message of it is what I'm trying to get to you. u don't have to be the perfect pious wife to be considered a 'good Muslim',, there are so many ways u can show faith. you don't have to be a big strong man who can handle all pain with ease while single-handedly providing for a family either.

anyways peace out that sure was a journey lol and I definitely have forgot some of the things I wanted to say but yea that's all don't forget to like and subscribe <3

(colours r to make it easier to read for people with shorter attention spans,, they don't have any other significance)

[alleycat4eva]

So, just read up all the asks and responses so far, and I think I have a better understanding of where you're coming from. Tbh, I think it's pretty close to my own experience about 10 years ago when I first started learning more about gender theory and trans issues and tried to reconcile that with feminism and my lived experiences with sexism and misogyny. Thing is, they actually reconcile pretty easily once you take it a step further; sex and gender aren't really that cut and dry anyway, and it never has been. Like, full disclaimer, I'm a nonbinary dfab person, and since I feel no need to medically transition and I find binding uncomfortable, I am still perceived as a woman by society. A butch woman, sure, but unless someone already has the habit of not gendering someone by visual cues then people are going to think I'm female. I was raised female, and have the socialization that goes with it, to the point where even my father, who has only ever been gentle with me, terrifies me if he swears loudly in frustration. Because a man is angry and has raised his voice, and a part of my brain will always interpret that as dangerous. Socialization is a thing, although I believe still controversial even within the trans community. Anecdotally though, I've seen those socializations become learned behaviour after transitioning anyway, because once society perceives you as a given gender it will treat you that way. I think the most important thing to acknowledge here is that yes, the feminist struggle against sexism is still ongoing, and there are a lot of ways society hurts dfab people that it doesn't do to anyone else, but that doesn't need to be separate from recognizing and including trans woman as women, and dfab people who aren't women in the fight for reproductive rights. A trans woman's experience with womanhood and misogyny is still her experience as a woman, it might just differ from a cis woman's. Much in the same way a black woman will experience misogynoir, transmisogyny is still misogyny, it just intersects with another aspect of her identity in a specific way. (There is then, of course, transmisogynoir with its own set of interactions and oh boy why can't humans just accept variance without literally killing others over it already) Basically, "knowing that trans women are women, trans men are men, and nonbinary people are whatever combination or lack there of of the above that they say they are" can and does be something that exists in the same breath as "dfab people face specific persecutions and oppressions related to their biology". Those are facts that exist side by side without contradicting each other. Sorry if I'm waffling or unclear, it's currently 3am and I'm pretty sure some of these points are only half formed anyway (why do I always write on complex topics when I'm not at my best lmao). I'm just really glad to see you engaging with this conversation and researching more about it, and those two things already put you miles ahead of actual terfs. (also a terf would never have written Haku as trans so like. Nah you're just having A Time reconciling and questioning shit, and that's normal and I'm glad you're doing it.) I'm so sorry someone sent you anon hate over? I can't even see anything on your blog that might set someone off on you? either way it's horrific and never okay to do that to someone and that person should be ashamed. But yeah, you're right, this topic is complex and multifaceted but there needs to be space to talk about biology specific discrimination because that is definitely a thing that happens. Thing is, I don't think that conversation ever stopped happening? Tumblr likes to drink the kool aid a bit but it's certainly something actual IRL queer groups have never forgotten to give space to (that I'm aware of). It's just spoken in a way that doesn't alienate people it affects by misgendering them, and doesn't misgender people it doesn't affect. Language is amorphous and ever-changing anyway, why not be inclusive with it?

.

[saucedlx]

Thoughts

It's interesting (in the kinda bad way) spending time in certain spaces for hobbies I have where most people are like, maybe 5-15 years older than me, and there's this kinda passive "bigotry against queer people is bad" sensibility but not actually a lot of openly queer people there. And in a server I was in for a couple months, it really stood out to me how frequently and fondly people would bring up the HP franchise, share stuff in that hobby themed around HP and just be pleasant about it. My personal experience was pretty much: I was growing up around the time the second half of the movies were coming out, and as a kid I saw them and liked them and rewatched them from time to time. Then at some point I read the books and thought they were fine but even as a 10 year old you can tell there's something off, like "hey isn't this justification for fantasy slavery that the narration seems to agree with kinda like real justifications for real slavery". But overall still something I held nostalgia for. But then in like, the past 4 years it slowly got drowned out by that other thing which dominates my feelings about it now, "wow this author is being kinda weird about trans people, but i have trans friends i care about a lot" which slowly settled into "huh this author really doesn't like the idea of trans people openly existing, and that's most of my friends and me". and that makes it so fuckin weird to see people who seem to consider themselves queer friendly also still buying merchandise for the franchise like... is this sorta thing really so not-noticeable to someone who isn't close to trans people? honestly i kinda wish I was more comfortable with confronting people about this sorta thing. i wish i could be confident in going to someone and showing them "this is why jkr is definitely being transphobic and supporting her franchise also supports all this bullshit" and they would either see what i mean or if they didn't i'd be confident that i tried my best and just go away from them. but i don't feel like that, like i feel confident that if it's okay for me and my friends to exist, then the things this billionaire person has said are harmful, but i don't feel confident that i could tell someone about it and they wouldn't just go "...eh... i guess... maybe there's some more context or something it's just a different opinion" like, it's not like i have a compilation of "worst things jkr has said" list at hand (mostly cause it's not a fun way to spend my time, gathering up data about how this very wealthy person thinks a big chunk of my life is entirely wrong), so i could either link to one of those video essays people made about it, and have someone go "wow you really just believe whatever you see in a video lol lmao" or i could try talking about my own experience about it and have someone go "wow look at this rambling snowflake" and idk it's just frustrating

[firelxdykatara]

Hello! I say this in the kindest way possible, but can you please provide evidence that theowelspeaks is a terf? I'm a black zutara shipper and for years have really felt shoved by the fandom and it hasn't been my safe space. But YOUR blog and you made me feel better. I'm not in your discord but you're being accused of racism. I don't follow the owlspeaks and wanna support you but if you're being accused of racism why are you calling someone a terf?

Can you please show where they are a terf? I'm only asking this because I really REALLY love you and I support you. And if they are a terf, you need to provide evidence. It is heavily suspicious when a person of color calls out a white woman on racism and you don't address the accusations but just call them a terf. I want to support you I really do because you made me feel comfortable in the fandom, but I need to see concrete evidence that they're a terf. Never mind, I saw the whole situation and honestly I'm disgusted I ever follow or looked up to you. You're literally no different from other racist white shippers. I think there went my love for zutara.

I'm going to take this at face value--not that, on any real level, I actually believe you were a follower of mine or did anything close to due diligence, because if you were or had then you would know that I never actually called that blogger a terf--and answer as respectfully as I can. Mostly because I want anyone who has genuine issues with anything I've said or done to know that despite whatever's going around about me right now, I am willing to listen to criticism if it comes from a place of good faith.

(You can think whatever you want about my insistence on 'good faith', but the fact is that I have weathered being slammed with accusations of pedophilia and other horrible things over differences in headcanon of shit like character ages or writing a fic set years post-canon because I felt like it, right down to the insistence that I'm a horrible racist because of my url, so no. I'm not going to listen to someone slinging slurs and buzzwords in my inbox just because they claim to be a poc. And before that sets anyone off, the slurs I'm talking about are aimed at my queerness. I do not consider being called racist or a white bitch or whatever slurs, because they aren't.)

First of all, once again, I never called that blogger a terf. You can easily read my post about them for yourself and see that--ctrl+F for the term 'terf', and you will not find it. Why? Because I called them out on peddling radfem rhetoric, (which they are) not for being a terf. All terfs are radfems--it's in the name--but not all radfems are terfs, although all radfem rhetoric is exceptionally harmful to queer people in general, and queer poc more than most, as is the nature of intersectionality.

Anti-kink rhetoric, and the insistence that some kink is inherently harmful and that no one could legitimately have these kinks or fetishes without being mentally ill or traumatized, is radfem rhetoric. That's where it comes from, that's where it leads to, and I'll be honest here, 'radfem' is not an identity label. It's an ideology. You do not get to parrot core tenets of that ideology and then claim to not be a radfem. That simply isn't how this works.

Furthermore, I have no idea who the person behind theowlspeaks blog is. I will take them at their word that they are not white, but that doesn't exactly narrow things down--and considering the fact that they chose to put me on blast for their small but dedicated ring of followers rather than actually coming to me personally first about any of this (their blog is very obviously a burner, and it wouldn't have been that difficult to approach me since I've only ever turned anon off once, for one night to give myself some breathing room, and otherwise my asks and DMs have always been open), I have no reason to actually care about what they're saying. But I point out the lack of knowledge of their identity because a) they didn't even reveal themselves as not white until.... yesterday? or something, when they were directly asked about it, and b) trying to frame this as 'white woman accused of racism calls person of color a terf' is... disingenuous at best given the fact that I have been calling them a radfem (which they are) since well before they posted that screenshot and my name wound up on their blog, so you got the order of events just a little backwards.

I blocked them initially because of the radfem rhetoric they were peddling about kink and fetishes, and I have the right to establish that boundary. This blog is for me, it is my space, and I do not have to expose myself to views I find gross or harmful just because they dress it up in faux-woke terminology and try to pretend they actually care.

If they cared about real people more than the fictional characters they are so adamantly 'protecting', then they wouldn't have brushed off the actual racism (from one of their followers--they're more than happy to blast me without any evidence, but that's hardly out of the ordinary for people like that) that was brought to their attention by refocusing the discussion on the fake people who literally can't be hurt by any of this because they don't exist. They wouldn't be ignoring the two woc who chose to contact them and tell them why they made the choices they did regarding both the discord and the smut week event, while being perfectly happy to platform anons who may or may not be who or what they say they are.

I, for one, am not going to apologize for caring more about real people than fictional characters. I'm not going to apologize for thinking it's absolutely ludicrous to pretend that fiction is somehow harmful just by existing, especially when it's appropriately tagged so that anyone who finds the content harmful can avoid it. I'm not going to back down from these opinions just because a handful of people have apparently decided I'm a horrible person because of it. And I'm certainly not going to apologize for thinking it's despicable that someone who was not involved in the conversation chose to leak out of context screenshots rather than privately contacting any of the people involved or even going to any of the mods, before going right to an anonymous blog. You may not care about me or my mental health, but I had panic attacks because of that leak--not because I said anything untoward in that screenshot, not because I've ever said anything in that discord that I wouldn't happily stand behind on my blog, but because I no longer felt safe. And I am not going to bare my trauma to a complete stranger to justify that lmfao.

So, like, think what you want to. I'm pretty sure that blogger is getting high off of the drama they are creating, none of which would actually have happened or been any real issue if more people were able to think, gee, maybe this work that is tagged with things I don't want to read about is not for me! Maybe I shouldn't read this piece, since it would probably upset me, and there's plenty others around for me to consume! I do not trust that blogger's intentions. I do not trust that they actually give a shit about any real people, or they wouldn't have posted an out of context screenshot of... literally nothing tbh, when they had no right to and are now protecting the identity of the person who leaked them instead of giving a shit about any of the real people in that space who no longer feel safe because we aren't sure who we can't trust.

But you've already made up your mind, and I can't change that. I genuinely hope you have a nice life, and find fandom spaces more suited to your tastes.